It has been a long while since I have written. God has been so awesome at revealing things to me. I know on one of my posts I talked about my Sexuality. What I have learned is that is not what he has for me. With peoples opinions about this subject being so controversial, I just can’t help but look at the passages that is mentioned. This issue is mentioned in four places in the bible. once in Leviticus, also in Romans, Corinthians and 1 Timothy. There is a reason that it is put into the New Testament. (And no that reason is not because people were uncomfortable) It was simply because that is not what God created.
I have heard all the arguments and I’m sorry, but I feel like there is no grey area. You either follow Christ or you don’t. It isn’t picking a choosing things in the bible to believe and use, it is Gods word breathed. I have prayed, and analyzed and I even tried to live the lifestyle but I just can’t help and look at it from the standpoint of the Lord. While I know that there are people who don’t agree and people who probably are going to be shocked by this, That is what The Lord has revealed to me. Following Christ comes at a cost. It isn’t about being comfortable, or being easy. But it is about have this love and passion for God that no matter what, you are willing to give up everything for him. Period! That is what Jesus him self was saying to the people.
So I had a job interview in Jacksonville at a church. I hope I get it but also it is interesting that this opportunity is what I need to get back to jax. So Interesting but Also it is the hardest thing to tell your boss that you may or may not have a Job in Jacksonville. I don’t know weather to wait and tell him before I get the job or when I do. God is so funny.
Last night my Girlfriend Raye and I were watching a PBS special about women in countries like India and Africa. that are broken, beaten and looked on as property. Even though it didn’t pertain to me it got my missionary bone going again. My heart started beating faster and I could feel my spirit rising up in me. We started talking,on the phone, about missions. I realized that I really missed it,that maybe that was the next step that I needed. I have said that I miss Jacksonville and wish I could be there. So we decided to go into it, we are called to Thailand so why not. She wants to do a Discipleship training school, then we could do a School of Frontier missions through YWAM. I’ve been to four foreign countries, was on staff at YWAM and it is always changed me. It made me want to show that Christ can be the center all over the world. Being in the real world is hard after being part of the community seeing everything that I have seen, Its like a different world. I can’t just sit back and not do anything or just give money to an organization while i am in my house on my cell phone or doing what Americans do. I need to do something and want to do something. I think that I’m going to do it. I think that I’m going to look more into a job in Jacksonville, and finish school and do YWAM and prepare to go to Thailand. God is so crazy.
It is always interesting where God puts me to talk to people. Like my friend’s roommate. we were at a shesha bar last night to celebrate said friend’s birthday. Her room mate was so surprised that me being a youth pastor was in a place like this. That i wasn’t getting offended at the things that they were saying. In the midst of this, we talked about God. She said “I would like to know your thoughts on somethings”. I sad absolutely. It is interesting to me that God puts me in these situations. Yet i feel like sometimes I fall short of the challenge. But i always pray that God gives me his words, not mine when doing this.
It is my first day of College in four years. It feels so surreal that i am here. I mean I mean if you asked me 3 yrs ago, i would have said that I don’t need a college degree to get a good job. Now I want to be a pastor. I know scary right!!!! It’s interesting how God is growing me showing me that nothing is impossible. That obviously my plans aren’t going to happen the way i planed it and that’s okay. It is crazy to me to think that I am here. I’m dating an English professor. How ironic is it that God hooked that up. everything happens for a reason and everything will happen that way it is supposed to in equal time. Back on the topic at hand. As i go form one class to another (only two) it became real and a little overwhelming. I just have to stay focused and not get distracted by friends or things around me or discourage myself. I can do this. I have a chance like everyone else to be here and be successful, just like everyone else. Don’t ever think that you can’t do something because of a disability learning or what not. It will all fall into place when it is supposed to. That is the important thing.
Something that I have delt with for a while is the sexuality issue. It all started when my dad died when I was ten. He was diagnosed with cancer when I was in second grade. The doctors gave him an ultimatum. Either have chemo and live for three years or don’t and live for a year. So he chose the chemo. He lent his body to experimental treatments and things to cure it from his body. But God healed his soul, not his physical body but healed him in a way that no one was expecting. What does this have to do with what i’m talking about? I think that it has to do with the daddy complex!!!
I know that sounds weird. But I like women. I have an amazing Girlfriend!!!!! for a long time it has been a sex thing. I would do stuff with guys and then send them home. No relationship just sex. I think that a lot of it comes from not objectifying women. Also that for a long time i haven’t been excepted by other guys, I haven’t had a male role model to show me what it is to be a man. I was taught by my mom and sister. I had all friends that were girls. I felt that all guys talked about football and were macho and sadly got picked on. Even through this it never ceased to amaze me how much God was working and doing. Now I am a youth pastor and it’s great. That God can take someone like me with a speech impedament, learning disability and sexuality issue and use me for ministry. It is still a struggle but with the help of God and my girlfriend and friends I think that i will be ok.
It’s funny when you have things in life going well. I mean you kinda expect something bad to happen. It is great though. Have a new Girlfriend, stating school soon, have a Job that I enjoy. These are the best things. Also the best things in life are knowing that God has put these things and is blessing you! I constantly see the gifts that he has put in front of me and it blows me away! I mean who would have thought that I could speak truth through my stutter and show people the power that he has through my trials that I face personally. Yet The God of the universe can personally call me and talk to me and I can have this deep relationship with him and It is unlike anything that I know! It floors me everyday what he teaches me and convicts me of! The things that i struggle with sometimes seem like I can’t beat it but with the power of God I know I can! I just have to remind myself of that. Yes this is the best thing in life! knowing that I have a relationship with the living God and that he is blessing me and I’m following him!